I have psoriasis… Great! Just what I needed, another health condition because having anxiety (generalised and social), depression, gastroparesis, chronic fatigue syndrome, chronic ingrown toenail problems and postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome wasn’t enough now we have to add psoriasis to the list.
I’ve had an itchy head for the past 6 months so I went to the dermatologist and she told me I have dermatitis and I was like ok, that’s good, I can use the medications she prescribed and it will go away! But no, it didn’t go away. I still had the itching and flaking and so I went back for my 6 week follow-up and she then tells me I have psoriasis, like it was no big thing. ‘Oh you have psoriasis and will now have to put all these toxic and damaging shampoos and gels on your head, have a great day!’ Yeah thanks, whatever. She had no compassion and she knows nothing about me. She knows my name and date of birth, that’s it. I feel like she should have gotten my medical history so she knows how this is a big thing for me and not something she can just tell me and not even ask if I was ok, no? Psoriasis is an auto-immune disease so the only think I can do for it is manage it, I can’t get rid of it, It’s now a part of all my other medical problems. Yes I’m lucky that it’s mild and not as bad as some peoples but still, it’s just another thing to have to deal with. Oh and get this, stress is a big no-no! Ha ha ha ha! Stress is my middle name.
Not to sound full of myself or anything but I have beautiful hair. It’s silky, smooth, thick, glossy, so soft and long. I’m a freaking walking Pantene ad! And out of my whole body it’s the one thing I actually liked about myself. I was happy with my hair and wasn’t ashamed by it, but now it’s full of flaking scalp, it’s itchy and very dry from the horrible shampoos and stuff I’ve had to use. Is this what I get for actually liking something about myself? Am I meant to hate every part of my body and just loathe myself for all of eternity until the day I die? Because to be honest with you that doesn’t sound like much fun.
I just can’t believe I have another thing to deal with. I feel so defeated by life, I was doing ok and then this happens! I’m so tired of everything, I’m emotionally, physically and mentally exhausted I need a break! I can’t keep having new problems arise, my body has enough to deal with and now it has another illness to fight.
Back to the stress thing, it’s coming up to all of Chase’s anniversaries again so I don’t know how I’m meant to remain stress free through that! March the 8th is when he was diagnosed, April the 30th is his birthday, May the 31st is when he died and June the 5th is when his funeral was, that’s a couple of months of stress.
I’m starting my treatment now and hopefully I’ll be able to get this psoriasis under control and I’ll learn to love my hair again.
Oh I forgot to tell you before that today I have to go get my hair cut because it’s too long to handle with all these things I have to do to it. Bye bye hair! See you when you grow back in months and months. I sound a little bitter don’t I?
Love to you all,