Body image, Depression, Friends

Always, always, always the fat friend!

Growing up I was always a chubby baby, looking back at baby photos I can’t believe how many fat rolls I had on my body! As a toddler I was also pretty chubby and then all through primary school and high school I was fat. I don’t know if fat is the right word to use, but I’m going to use it anyway. In my friendship groups I’ve felt as though I have always been the one who weighed the most. I’ve never seemed to have friends who are my size or bigger than me. All my friends were skinny and I was jealous of them. The main question I want an answer to though is that did my friends treat me different to their other fiends because I was fat? Or because they didn’t like me because I was fat? Or because they didn’t want to be associated with a fat person? I have thought of these questions a million times when I was with them and friends with them. But at the end of the day, did my weight have anything to do with why I ended up with no friends when I left school?
I truly wonder what my friends thought of me and my weight. Did they care that I was the fat one in their group or not? Did they ever feel sorry for me for being the fat one? Or did they honestly not give a s**t? I would love to ask them their thoughts on having a fat friends but I will never get the chance… And that’s ok, because I can speculate on my own and make up my own answers! I would always laugh when my friends (who were skinny btw) would complain about being ‘fat’ or say some ridiculous thing about their body. I understand that everyone has the right to complain about their body and have their opinion, but to me I felt that they were being stupid and insensitive. And then when I would complain about how I felt, they would just say ‘Stop being stupid’, or ‘you’re not fat!’, but then they would immediately go back to fat shaming themselves! When they said I wasn’t fat I get that they were trying to be nice, but all I felt was that they didn’t care how I felt and were just dismissing my feelings.

I never felt confident when I was at school, whether that be primary or high. I was bullied for my weight when I was in primary and high school. I was constantly being called fat and other horrible things that isn’t appropriate for my blog! 😉 I was also bullied for my weight by my horrible step-father, but that is a story for another day!
So as you can see, I’ve always had people pointing out my weight. I hate myself most of the time for how I look and how I feel. I’m trying to loose weight by having a vegan and gluten free diet and trying to go for a walk which is hard considering my health conditions…

Why is it that in todays society if you weigh more than what you ‘should’ you are fat shamed and frowned upon? There are a lot of different reasons as to why someone could be overweight. And yes, some people just eat and do incredibly unhealthy things with their bodies, but thats not my place to judge.
Do you think that if you’re a teenager and weigh more than what society thinks you should you get judged more?

I really wish my weight didn’t pay a massive part in how I feel and how I live my life and also make my depression worse.

Keep safe,

Maddy xoxo